


Love is weird

by Morositas



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Drabble, Introspection, M/M, Past Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25590028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morositas/pseuds/Morositas
Summary: [ Jean/Eren - Past Jean/Marco - Angst, Introspective - Drabble ]Jean convinces himself to hate Eren, because Jean desperately needs to hate Eren. Jean can't lose Eren in the same way he lost Marco.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. 01. Never

Jean reminds himself that he hates Eren. _If he forgets it, then he falls apart_. 

He can no longer hold off the pain that would make him wish to be dead. It would be _unbearable_. He can’t get involved with anything else, which is love, and with anyone else, who is him. He _already lost_ the other part of himself. _Marco_. 

_He convinces himself that he despises him, because this is how it should be._

What could be between them just slips away dragged into a chasm. He lets it slip down into the abyss. 

_It's how it should be._


	2. 02. Conflict

He’s stuck between the yellowish light of the sun and greenish shade of the grass, which intersect in a weave of colors made of gold and emerald stalled against the day made of ruby turning into the night made of onyx. It’s the sunset.

The world they can’t explore is beautiful and magical above and around him.

He lies among the tall, green and thick grass, finding himself watching the colors change above him, until he hears _his voice_ , so he sits down and _he sees his face_. That of _Eren_. 

He gets up, he looks at him and he gets to him, until they find themselves confronting each other.


	3. 03. Distance

The obscurity envelops them in a play of lights and shadows, made of yellow lights, black shadows and white lights, so that both the moon and the stars contrast the night.

They have just fought not so long ago during the training session. They both bear the _marks of the fight_ they've just had. Split lip, sore limbs, black eye. It’s a cycle that repeats itself over and over again. All the time. 

"What do you want from me?" Jean asks Eren. " _Go away!_ " he yells at him 

He doesn't want to talk to him, he doesn't want to look at him. 

He makes to leave, but he’s grabbed by the other male. He’s _forced_ to turn towards him.


	4. 04. Fight

He can feel his fingers clutch around his own wrist and he can feel his eyes pierce into his own face, so they keep him there, holding him back, they keep him here. He’s restrained by that so _deadly squeeze_ and _fiery glare_. 

He’s suddenly pulled towards the other male. He’s tugged against him, so _abruptly_ , he’s yanked against him. 

He wants to get rid of him, he wants to get rid of it. _Of whoever Eren is for him, of whatever love is for them_. 

_If Jean struggles to get away from Eren, then Eren struggles to get closer to Jean_. Their love is at _war_.


	5. 05. Violence

He’s pushed _abruptly_ against a tree by him. When he tries to wriggle out from him, all these efforts, made one after the other, they seem to be utterly useless.

He wonders if he could hurt him sooner or later. He could _harm_ him in a way that wouldn’t heal at all, but that would remain forever and ever, being instilled within him in the depths of himself. He's afraid of him. 

Jean is _forced_ to look back at Eren. He sees a light flickering in his eyes, just as he feels his body pressed against his own body, and he hears a crack trembling in his voice.

_It’s Eren’s voice calling out Jean’s name._


	6. 06. Despair

He struggles to wriggle away from him, but he can’t succeed in any of those attempts. He’s forced to stay there with him, without having the chance to free himself from him. 

He squirms again, pushing him away, but when he finally manages to do so he realizes the way he has destroyed everything by continuing to reject it. He’s taken aback, because he notices the _sadness_ veiling his eyes and the _madness_ filling his voice. 

It’s Jean to hurl himself at Eren, to grab him _violently_ , shake him and hold him _desperately_. He doesn’t want to let him go.


	7. 07. Fear

He grabs him, then he pulls it towards himself and he watches him, knowing that they can’t _suppress_ that desire anymore. 

They’re face to face and eyes in the eyes. They’re one in front of the other. 

It’s Jean who leans over to Eren, so as to touch his lips with his own lips, making him tremble. He forces him to deny the kiss, since he’s so taken aback by it, then accept the kiss and make him moan. _They kiss passionately and forcefully, devouring each other to the fullest in an open-mouthed kiss._

Love is scary. When it’s so strong, intense and deep, it _frightens_ them.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how popular this ship may be, but I really love Jean with Marco, Armin and Eren, so I'd like to write more fanfictions about these pairings. 
> 
> Let me know what you think about it. Bookmarks, kudos, subscriptions, comments. They're all valid to me.


End file.
